Sunday, March 29, 2015

Scrutiny Toolkit ® (Tradecraft)

Are you tired of your game store competitors not playing by the rules? Do you feel cheated that you follow all the regulations while they pay their employees in peanut butter sandwiches while skirting the law? Do you wish you could open up a box of legal whoop *** on them like a can of Popeye's spinach? You are in luck!

For $499.99, we're now offering the Scrutiny Toolkit®.
This handy box contains a step by step guide to verification and reporting violations of local, state and federal law. Plus, if you act now, we'll send you "Lease Schmease," our special guide that helps discover and report obvious lease violations by your dishonest competitor.

Here are just some examples of what you'll find in the Scrutiny Toolkit:

Local Laws:
  • Zone Alone. Is their store even zoned for commercial? There are some distributors that will still sell without proof of a real, commercial location. This should get them kicked out of mom's basement for sure.
  • Unlawful Assembly. The most common pitfall of game stores, are they zoned for assembly? Learn what trigger words to use with their local fire marshall for a surprise inspection and a schedule of upcoming Magic pre releases.
  • Hooky Me Now. Is their clubhouse a daytime hangout for local kids? Learn where to find the necessary busy bodies and how to plant bees in their bonnets. 
State Laws:
  • Taxes, Shmaxes. Does your competitor not collect sales tax? How about not giving receipts for certain sales? The Taxes, Shmaxes supplement will help you determine which (or both), and how to encourage a painful sales tax audit from your board of equalization. 
  • Slip and Fail. Use this tool to check if they carry business insurance as well as workers compensation insurance. Most "real" leases require business insurance, but they probably don't have one of those. 
  • Stapler Inspection. Did you know some states like California allow counties to tax common point of sale equipment, like the simple barcode scanner? Don't let a store fall through the cracks!
Federal Law:
  • Peanut Butter Jelly Time. Are your competitors paying their employees in peanut butter and jelly sandwiches? It's time that ends with this special supplement that ties back to Taxes, Shmaxes. The IRS and the Franchise Tax Board make a good couple. As an added bonus, we'll show you how to find the value of the that unreported peanut butter.
  • Inventory Mayhem. Does your competitor consider Magic singles "just some cardboard" with no intrinsic value? Learn about this and other tricks for not paying end of year inventory taxes in the "Mayhem" supplement.
  • Owning the Owner. The cherry on top is the fraud your competitor perpetrates by underreporting their personal income using many of the tricks above. Pete Rose, Leona Helmsley, Al Capone. All taken down by the IRS. Put your competitor in famous company!
Sure, you should probably Mind Your Own Business® (which you can order now for $299.99), but if bad behavior has you down. Order the Scrutiny Toolki® today!


  1. I'm sensing a certain level of... pointed commentary here. :-)

  2. Sad days, just when you see a product you'd like to buy, they forget to have the marketing link to their e-commerce site.

  3. It has always been my Achilles heel.

  4. Khadoran Kayazy merchants would just hire some bratva thugs to ensure understanding.

  5. This is gonna sound petty (and it is) and pedantic (yes) but, pet peeve.
    "Flout," not "flaunt."

  6. I could use an editor, yes.